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| Fun in the snow in Sweden - immoral behaviour in Ireland |
3 lads were ahead of me up the hill and they ran to help. 'Stop revving', one of them shouted. His accent was West of Ireland, Galway or Mayo. I caught up, and we all pushed and sure enough the car, just ticking over in say 2nd or 3rd gear, proceeded up the hill handily enough for a little bit.
Encouraged, yer man decided he couldn't leave well enough alone. So he floored it:
REVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV!
Immediately, inevitably, all forward momentum stopped and, with traction broken by the revving, the car followed the instructions from its driver's panicked right foot by gryo-ing sideways. The front of the car mounted the pavement and the rear of the car was now at an angle across the road. More terrified motorists were lining up behind (presumably calling the Council in order to register their furious complaints, on the basis that a small snow shower is a grade 1 disaster / emergency and in any event clearly is the government's fault.)
The 3 lads, who had walked on, spun round in disbelief. They and I ran back.
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| Another idiot bites the crystals |
'STOP REVVING', one of them shouted, seeing that the car was about to turn 180 degrees. He went to the driver's window and, calmly and quietly, told the experienced suburban driver the basics - minimal revs, let the tickover do the work, no/minimal braking / steering. The terrified driver seemed to take on board some of yer man's good advice. We pushed him back off the pavement and, with our cries of encouragement - GOOD MAN! KEEP HER GOING! THAT'S IT! JESUS DON'T REV! - our hero managed somehow to top the hill and proceed on his uncertain way.
We looked at each other, in a moment of shared culchie smugness. We muttered something about 'townies' and went on our ways.
The basic problem seems to be that people like our over-revving hero simply don't know what to do. In snowy and icy conditions, they drive as normal. That is, braking normally, normal revving, driving quite close to the car in front, normal crisp steering inputs on icy bends etc. In snow, all of that is lunacy, of course.
Last night, driving up the snow-covered hill to our garage, I did a small experiment. Using momentum and with the car literally just ticking over in second gear, I was having no issues whatsoever as I drove up the hill. 'What if I did some panic-revving?' I thought. For the crack, I cracked the throttle open a centimetre. Now, this is an old Micra with, as they say, about as much power as a half-sucked Aspirin. And the hill wasn't that steep and it wasn't freezing. Yet, instantly, the car lurched, dug in and I was suddenly marooned, spinning futilely, going nowhere very fast. And it was instructive how useless even rolling back a couple of feet was. Once you've lost momentum, you've lost it - and you have to roll back to square 1, well before the start of the hill, and build up some gentle momentum and 'give the car its head' and don't interfere with dumb throttle inputs or dumb gear changes. However, as it had been decades since I had did something so numpty-ish on a snowy hill (I probably was aged in single figures when I had last did something similar), it was useful to remind myself of how fine the line is between traction and no-traction. The merest whiff of throttle-encouragement creates instant mayhem. It's no wonder that we have continual mayhem on our roads in snowy times, given that 99% of drivers are conditioned to think that if they're struggling on a hill, adding a little bit more power via your right foot is the normal thing to do. So when their car engine starts to labour a little on a snowy hill, they shoe it without even thinking about it. And mayhem results and they wonder what the fuck they have done wrong. Suddenly, their everyday certainties collapse and, brain neurones uttery scrambled, they sit there, weeping and spinning like basket cases. Eventually, car abandoned and after a nervous walk home, they collapse into the sofa, pour themselves a drink and shudder at the 'extreme weather conditions' and prepare an angry mail to the local council gritting dept.
The basic problem seems to be that people like our over-revving hero simply don't know what to do. In snowy and icy conditions, they drive as normal. That is, braking normally, normal revving, driving quite close to the car in front, normal crisp steering inputs on icy bends etc. In snow, all of that is lunacy, of course.
Last night, driving up the snow-covered hill to our garage, I did a small experiment. Using momentum and with the car literally just ticking over in second gear, I was having no issues whatsoever as I drove up the hill. 'What if I did some panic-revving?' I thought. For the crack, I cracked the throttle open a centimetre. Now, this is an old Micra with, as they say, about as much power as a half-sucked Aspirin. And the hill wasn't that steep and it wasn't freezing. Yet, instantly, the car lurched, dug in and I was suddenly marooned, spinning futilely, going nowhere very fast. And it was instructive how useless even rolling back a couple of feet was. Once you've lost momentum, you've lost it - and you have to roll back to square 1, well before the start of the hill, and build up some gentle momentum and 'give the car its head' and don't interfere with dumb throttle inputs or dumb gear changes. However, as it had been decades since I had did something so numpty-ish on a snowy hill (I probably was aged in single figures when I had last did something similar), it was useful to remind myself of how fine the line is between traction and no-traction. The merest whiff of throttle-encouragement creates instant mayhem. It's no wonder that we have continual mayhem on our roads in snowy times, given that 99% of drivers are conditioned to think that if they're struggling on a hill, adding a little bit more power via your right foot is the normal thing to do. So when their car engine starts to labour a little on a snowy hill, they shoe it without even thinking about it. And mayhem results and they wonder what the fuck they have done wrong. Suddenly, their everyday certainties collapse and, brain neurones uttery scrambled, they sit there, weeping and spinning like basket cases. Eventually, car abandoned and after a nervous walk home, they collapse into the sofa, pour themselves a drink and shudder at the 'extreme weather conditions' and prepare an angry mail to the local council gritting dept.
Recently, I've been driving in snow and this level of galloping incompetence is everywhere. Driving to work early on a snowy B road recently, going as fast as conditions would allow, I was being tailgated on the straight by a zombie who may have been further incensed at being 'held up' by an elderly, beat-up Micra (k11 series,170k miles, standard 1 litre, knackered Spax shocks, gearbox iffy, head gasket 'fixed' with radweld, cold air system - the Morris Minor of our times - great wee bulletproof cars). I drifted the Micra gently through a turn, obviously without braking or steering, using most of the road and relying mainly on momentum and throttle inputs to steer the car round. On the next straight, I looked back to see where in-a-hurry Mr Mondeo was. Not a sight of him. Then he appeared round the corner in my rear view mirror, going very, very slowly. Un-necessarily slowly. Considering that before the corner he had been flying, I can only conclude that the idiot had had a heart-stopping sideways moment mid-corner and was now shitting himself and very chastened. I drove on slowly and didn't see him again.
Extraordinary as it seems, the only explanation I can think of is that he thought that, on a snowy road, it was OK to drive as normal! Until you have a near accident at which point you panic and become a rolling road-block.
WHAT TO DO
You know all this already but just in case:
- Winter tyres. If not, then at least
narrow tyres. In older cars, a heavy old cast iron engine helps to push wheels down for grip.
- Manual gearbox best. FWD best. No ABS is easier. Light car is best (a heavy car, especially on wide tyres, will want to "push on").
- Manual handbrake (aka the 'steering bar') is best. Never used an electric handbrake on snow; presume they're shite (like most modern 'improvements'). You need to be able to apply a dab of handbrake at an opportune moment. Electric handbrakes, with their all-or-nothing application and their delayed reaction, are unsafe and impractical.
- To get up hills, drive a gear higher than normal at a reasonable speed with just enough revs to keep going (too little and you die out, too much and you break traction). Trust your fuel injection not to let you die out. Select a gear high enough so that you won't need to generate much wheelspin; but not so high that you need to change down mid-ascent (usually, changing gear - even going uphill - will break traction).
- To get down hills, stop at the top and use first. Sometimes you may (on gentle hills) dip the clutch briefly if there is too much torque "surge" in first as that can also break traction.
- Manual gearbox best. FWD best. No ABS is easier. Light car is best (a heavy car, especially on wide tyres, will want to "push on").
- Manual handbrake (aka the 'steering bar') is best. Never used an electric handbrake on snow; presume they're shite (like most modern 'improvements'). You need to be able to apply a dab of handbrake at an opportune moment. Electric handbrakes, with their all-or-nothing application and their delayed reaction, are unsafe and impractical.
- To get up hills, drive a gear higher than normal at a reasonable speed with just enough revs to keep going (too little and you die out, too much and you break traction). Trust your fuel injection not to let you die out. Select a gear high enough so that you won't need to generate much wheelspin; but not so high that you need to change down mid-ascent (usually, changing gear - even going uphill - will break traction).
- To get down hills, stop at the top and use first. Sometimes you may (on gentle hills) dip the clutch briefly if there is too much torque "surge" in first as that can also break traction.
- In white frost, there's more grip on fresh frost than on
polished car tracks. Ditto hard (grassy) shoulder on country lanes
which will
usually have some grip. Useful esp if you have to reverse down
a hill
where you've failed to make it over the top. Crab back down
and have another go!
- No sudden or last minute inputs from either steering,
clutch, gears. Foot braking usually not a great idea and usually a perceived
necessity for foot braking is a sign you've been going too
fast or failed to look ahead. PS: ABOVE ALL, DON'T TRY TO GET UP A HILL BY
REVVING AND
SPINNING YOUR TYRES.
- Aim for a hedge in preference to another car; use handbrake to help you aim where (as is usual) the steering wheel is no or very little use.
- Go much slower than normal. Downhills, think < 5mph; uphills as fast as you need to get over the top but no more; flats 20mph, up to 40mph on wider roads if plenty of space between cars.
- Try to pull into a layby / yard etc if you're being tailgated by a law-abiding zombie (the kind of who drive at max 50mph in the dry and who are hell-bent on doing likewise in the snow "because it's within the speed limit").
- Don't be fooled by 4WD / SUVS. It may help you a bit getting started; it won't help you stop or turn. My heavy wide-tyred four wheel drive 1995 S6 Quattro is a nightmare in snow; my light skinny-tyred two wheel drive 1989 Mark II Golf would drive up the Eiger. 4WD gives you more traction - it doesn't give you any more mechanical grip, no matter what anyone or any advertiser tells you.
- Aim for a hedge in preference to another car; use handbrake to help you aim where (as is usual) the steering wheel is no or very little use.
- Go much slower than normal. Downhills, think < 5mph; uphills as fast as you need to get over the top but no more; flats 20mph, up to 40mph on wider roads if plenty of space between cars.
- Try to pull into a layby / yard etc if you're being tailgated by a law-abiding zombie (the kind of who drive at max 50mph in the dry and who are hell-bent on doing likewise in the snow "because it's within the speed limit").
- Don't be fooled by 4WD / SUVS. It may help you a bit getting started; it won't help you stop or turn. My heavy wide-tyred four wheel drive 1995 S6 Quattro is a nightmare in snow; my light skinny-tyred two wheel drive 1989 Mark II Golf would drive up the Eiger. 4WD gives you more traction - it doesn't give you any more mechanical grip, no matter what anyone or any advertiser tells you.
Of course, if you're a natural, you can forget all that cautious stuff
and just give it some beans a la Walter : ) Walter clips a snow drift at 2 mins but
it doesn't bother him in the slightest:
Link here - wonderfully instructive, in terms of demonstrating an attitude that is un-thinkable on our cissy countries.
Above all, enjoy it. Driving in snow often is beautiful. You're forced to slow down, to focus like mad, to be reminded of your smallness in the universe. I always arrive home after a good spin in the snow feeling calm with a big smile on my face.
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| The world's greatest-ever driver gives it some snow-beans |
Above all, enjoy it. Driving in snow often is beautiful. You're forced to slow down, to focus like mad, to be reminded of your smallness in the universe. I always arrive home after a good spin in the snow feeling calm with a big smile on my face.
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Here is an earlier blog on the same subject:
"Last winter at Ice Driver, we took a lot of stick from the locals in Sweden. They watched on TV with much hilarity as the UK ground to a halt under just a few centimetres of snow, while they continued their daily lives, snow piled high in the streets, -25c temperatures not uncommon and a surface of packed snow and ice to drive on. Sixty tonne logging trucks blast by at 100kph on packed ice. We hung our heads in shame and took it on the chin, but it begged the question, just why are we so bad at driving on snow and ice in the UK?"
Ireland's no different. What's going on? Why can't we drive on a bit of snow without dissolving into puddles of fear?
Here's why:
SUBURBAN AGENDA SETTERS
The debate is framed by urban media people. Most of them are latte drinkers. They have no interest in, or knowledge of, driving. Cars are mere social ornaments to them. They make car buying decsisions based on whether or not the dashboard has a docking station for their fucking iPhone. They find driving-while-thinking difficult so they presume that everyone else does as well. In their world, a snowfall instinctively is filed under "natural disaster" and "political crisis" instead of what it really is - a non-story. A recent 'Angry Motorists' headline in a local paper is par for the course:
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| Yukon ice road trucker |
"Last winter at Ice Driver, we took a lot of stick from the locals in Sweden. They watched on TV with much hilarity as the UK ground to a halt under just a few centimetres of snow, while they continued their daily lives, snow piled high in the streets, -25c temperatures not uncommon and a surface of packed snow and ice to drive on. Sixty tonne logging trucks blast by at 100kph on packed ice. We hung our heads in shame and took it on the chin, but it begged the question, just why are we so bad at driving on snow and ice in the UK?"
Ireland's no different. What's going on? Why can't we drive on a bit of snow without dissolving into puddles of fear?
Here's why:
SUBURBAN AGENDA SETTERS
The debate is framed by urban media people. Most of them are latte drinkers. They have no interest in, or knowledge of, driving. Cars are mere social ornaments to them. They make car buying decsisions based on whether or not the dashboard has a docking station for their fucking iPhone. They find driving-while-thinking difficult so they presume that everyone else does as well. In their world, a snowfall instinctively is filed under "natural disaster" and "political crisis" instead of what it really is - a non-story. A recent 'Angry Motorists' headline in a local paper is par for the course:
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| Angry incompetent cissy motorists blame everyone but themselves |
THE FLIGHT FROM THE LAND AND THE NEW COMMUTERS
These days, few people farm and lots of people in the countryside are not of the countryside. OK, they may live in the fields, but their mindset and lifestyle remains resolutely suburban, and therefore un-mechanical. So when their back road suddenly transforms into a
2-mile stretch of packed ice, they want to know where the "snow crisis helpline" is and which poor baftard they can practise their outraged tones on. When there's a bit of snow, these closet-surburban and rurban eejits and the latte drinkers egg each other on to new depths of hysteria about the "weather crisis". For the rest of us, it's akin to being trapped in a lunatic asylum ran by cissies.
THE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A DRIVING TEST IN IRELAND AND THE UK
We have a suburban-oriented driving test. Irish and Brits are deemed competent to drive in all conditions by virtue of doing some stage-managed, gentle, low-speed manoeuvres in a quiet suburban housing estate at speeds of less than 30 mph. Among other inexcusable
omissions:
- Motorway driving is neither taught nor tested.
- Night driving is neither taught nor tested.
- Cornering is neither taught nor tested.
- And, above all, winter driving and low-grip driving (snow, ice, rain on ice, surface water, diesel, gravel, leaves, over-banding, manhole covers, mud, grass cuttings) is neither taught nor tested.
Of course, in Ireland, we go one stage further in that we're officially unconcerned about allowing thousands of learner drivers to hoon about their entire lives without ever taking or passing even this excuse for a driving test.
THE OBSESSION WITH ARBITRARY SPEED LIMITS
Entire generations of drivers have bought into the dumb official myth that "speed kills". As a result, they feel that, so long as they keep below the speed limits, they are "good drivers". Further, now that they're officially safe at the government-sanctioned speed, they have
stopped thinking and stopped actively taking responsibility for their own safety. They no longer actively think about the privilege and the physics of driving. Based on informal vox pops / perceptions down the years:
- Most drivers daydream, listen to music, text (cycling in Dublin, I once saw someone eating yoghurt while driving along) and generally think about almost anything other than driving, while driving.
- Some drivers don't know if their car is front, rear or all-wheel drive.
- Many drivers don't know whether wide or narrow tyres are better in snow.
- Many drivers don't know the difference between standard, winter and
snow tyres.
- Many drivers don't know whether front or rear drive is better in the snow.
- Many drivers' instinct is either to rev or to brake their way out of trouble, and they use these crude, destabilising fight/flight techniques even in slippery conditions.
- Many drivers do not know how to use the handbrake as an aid to cornering or changing direction. In fact, some middle-class people consider that an ability do handbrake turns is a form of anti-social behaviour.
- Many drivers don't know their braking distances in dry conditions, never mind slippery ones. So they tail-gate, even in snow or freezing fog.
- Most drivers don't know where their car's "pivot point" is.
- Most drivers do not instinctively continually "test for grip" as they drive in everyday conditions
The last two are essential if you ever want to have any chance of
driving safely in snow and on ice:
SEE WHAT VIC ELFORD SAYS ABOUT PIVOT POINTS
- and please commit to memory!
GRIP is key – while driving, any enthusiastic driver, regardless of talent, continually feels for mechanical grip and learns to know how much grip is available in any given circumstance. If that is your default mindset, snow and ice doesn't present any special challenges - OK, there's much less grip available, but checking for grip is checking for grip. You do this every day, and you ADJUST YOUR DRIVING TO SUIT THE CONDITIONS (instead of blindly adhering to imposed speed limits). So when there's good grip and low traffic density, you drive fast. When there's little grip, such as in snow, you drive at speeds between 1.5 and 20mph. Occasionally, even normal engine surge on tickover in first gear is enough to cause the car to break traction, and you have to dip the even on tickover clutch to maintain safe
progress.
What I've continually noticed down the years is that drivers that I pass in dry conditions will themselves zoom past me in snowy conditions. These drivers have but one driving technique and one speed range and they apply it regardless of road conditions. When it
- naturally - doesn’t work in exceptional conditions (snow and ice), they sh1t themselves and suddenly we have a "crisis".
So, let's look at a range of practical solutions:
- family motorsport initiatives to promote the idea that driving on snow might even be fun - here are a bunch of guys (the Gruppe-Q) who like tearing about in old Audis in Colorado - here's 'Chad letting her hang out':
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| Good man Chad! |
and here's details of Richard Tuthill's ice driving holidays. (That mindset - that driving on ice and snow is fun or a holiday - is
close to being heretical in Ireland and in the UK. Instead, we are
conditioned to believe we cannot cope and we talk about the crisis and
egg each other on with sillier and sillier stories of how "difficult"
it is to get about. )
- skid-pan / low-grip training in driving tests?
- two-stage driving tests, comparable to motorbike tests, whereby the basic test qualifies you to drive only low-powered cars?
- reduced insurance premiums to incentivise people to take advanced driving training?
- compulsory winter tyres?
Any of the foregoing would help.
Fat chance though.
All we do is talk about bringing down the governments.
And buy thousands of tons of salt.
It's like being ruled by a salt cult!
- skid-pan / low-grip training in driving tests?
- two-stage driving tests, comparable to motorbike tests, whereby the basic test qualifies you to drive only low-powered cars?
- reduced insurance premiums to incentivise people to take advanced driving training?
- compulsory winter tyres?
Any of the foregoing would help.
Fat chance though.
All we do is talk about bringing down the governments.
And buy thousands of tons of salt.
It's like being ruled by a salt cult!
